Negotiating is not for the faint of hearts…
Parents often negotiate with their children and truly, learning and teaching the ability to negotiate is a positive tool we need in life. After all, negotiating is to agree on something as the end result. Negotiating can provide an opportunity for children to think and plan, to have a little power over their lives. (Children that have some control over their lives behave better!) That is another blog!
Negotiate is a verb, it is an action. You know your child best and it is important to use this technique/tool to teach, not manipulate.
ne·go·ti·ate
/nəˈɡōSHēˌāt/
verb
obtain or bring about by discussion.
"he negotiated a new contract with the sellers"
find a way over or through (an obstacle or difficult path).
"there was a puddle to be negotiated"
When you say, after this show, end of this game, after this book…it is time for bed and a child begins the negotiating process, ask yourSELF why - is there a discussion necessary to give a little control over to the child? Is there an obstacle they are trying to overcome?
Are they wanting to negotiate a new bedtime? Age appropriate conversation to help them develop as they grow up? Or, are they simply trying to push bedtime to continue doing what they want?
Negotiating with your rules is a slippery slope. Giving in to another book or episode may lead you to another negotiation. Giving in may lead to a frustrated child when you end the negotiation process.
The problem is that there is a multitude of negative outcomes when you make a habit out of negotiating with kids. https://www.thekidcounselor.com/stop-negotiating-with-your-children/
Does it seem like every time you tell your child “No,” it turns into a tug-of-war? One mom shared with us recently, “Absolutely everything’s an argument with my son. Even the simplest request. He just can’t take no for an answer. It’s so frustrating!” Many parents find themselves in a negotiation with their children when they are met with any kind of resistance. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/negotiating-with-kids-when-you-should-and-shouldnt/#google_vignette
Though it may feel like you are empowering your children through negotiations, think of choices to give power instead. Choice that you are in control of.
Instead of “allowing” through negotiations to watch another episode, or plan another game or read another book. Find a way to give a choice.
Bedtime is in 10 minutes. Would you like to brush your teeth now or after your episode?
Would you rather finish your game or read a book? It takes thinking on your part to give choices that you are happy with either outcome.
