Solve Your Own Problems
One of the goals of parents is to teach our children how to solve their own problems. We are not always going to be there to help them solve their problems and truly, as they mature and become aware of theirSELF, they will know best what they need to solve their own problems. Our job is to help guide them and provide them space to learn what they need.
In order to solve problems, we need to THINK. Thinking is a very important skill and it requires TIME to think. We need to gift ourSELF TIME!!
Rarely do we come up with a great immediate answer to solve a problem. Especially ones that generate trauma and are chronic.
Love and Logic suggests the number one step to ensure our children learn to solve their own problems is to provide empathy.
Listen to what your child is telling you and then repeat back to them with an empathic response.
Photo by Kevin Malik: https://www.pexels.com/photo/word-empathy-on-paper-9017727/
Two really great ways to let the child know you are listening and that you care is to say:
Sounds like…
Looks like…
When a child comes home from school and shouts, “I hate my math teacher!” It is really important to stay calm and listen to what they are really saying. What are they communicating?
Did they get a bad grade? Were they embarrassed in class in some way? Are they missing a concept and need extra help?
Say something like… “Sounds like something happened in class today.” then listen more…
Say something like…” Looks like math is a struggle right now.” then listen more…
Conversations that begin with empathy help a child know that you are listening and caring. Continue the sounds like and looks like in the communication to guide the child in a positive solution.
