Ears open, mouths closed.
Listening is a skill. We need to listen to our children. We need to listen when they are speaking, and when they are quiet. We need to listen when our children are talking to others. We can learn a lot about our children when they speak to their friends and to other adults.
I always had one ear open when we were traveling in a car with my children and their friends. I listened to the conversations without saying a word. When I heard something I wanted to discuss with my children I made a mental note to visit with them about it later; such as a classmate cheating, or a friend that was moving away…those moments became great conversations and allowed me to share my values and beliefs with them.
I do not condone eavesdropping, listen to open conversations. When your children are silent, when secret conversations are all you “hear”. Involvement may be critical.
There were times when my children were young and I heard silence. It was a clear message that I needed to check on them and see what they were up to. One morning I found my twins sitting on the living room carpet with the entire box of raisin brain dumped in the shape of a volcano between them. They were picking the raisins from the heap and feeding them to each other. Though this was not a catastrophe and a very funny pictorial memory for me, I reiterated to myself, LISTEN.
According to The Parent Resource Program: For middle and high school age youth (ages 12-18), suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death. *
For college age youth (ages 18-22), suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death. *
Overall, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for our youth ages 10-24. *
(*2023 CDC WISQARS)
http://jasonfoundation.com/prp/facts/youth-suicide-statistics/
Sadly, many of the teenagers who attempt suicide share they felt unheard, no one was listening to them. Life can get in the way of our listening to our children. We are busy. Our children are busy. Electronic devices hinder our talking and listening, as does pre-judging what our children are saying or feeling. Listening is a skill which begins with our mouths closed and our ears wide open.
“If there is one communication skill you should aim to master, then listening is it.” Read more at: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html
