Chronic Opportunities

Sometimes we find ourselves battling the same situation with our children…we call those chronic opportunities. We get to try one thing and if it doesn’t work, we get to try something else.

Make a plan…I had a conversation with a dear friend the other day about siblings bickering and fighting in the back seat of the car whenever they traveled anywhere. It is “funny” how siblings test their abilities and self-worth with those they feel closest to. Sibling bickering/fighting is normal. They learn a lot about the way the real world works - what is acceptable and what is not by playing and arguing - negotiating with their siblings. Though a lot of the bickering can be ignored, should be ignored in order to let them work it out and learn, when they create a problem for us, we need to intervene.

Driving is dangerous. We need to have our attention to all the information coming at us when we are at the wheel. We need to model this important aspect of driving to our children. They need to see us take good care of ourselves and our responsibilities.

So, in the conversation with my friend, I said, “Let’s make a plan. What will you do the next time you are driving and the arguing begins?” The GREAT thing about chronic problems is that you can count on them happening again. You can count on the opportunity to teach.

In the conversation, I suggested TIME is the tool. Make sure you have TIME to teach the valuable lesson of getting along in specific situations for the benefit of safety.

I suggested, “Grab a book or magazine and keep it in your car.” Tell the children (give them information), up front, “My car only travels when I can concentrate on driving. When you fuss and argue, it is distracting to me and I will have to pull over until the distraction stops and then we can continue on.” Ask, for understanding - get them to repeat what you have stated to them.

Then, when the arguing starts, simply pull over safely, stop the car and don’t say anything, grab your book and start reading. Relaxing and get your blood pressure down. Most likely the noise in the back seat will stop immediately. You may hear, “It was his/her fault.” “I didn’t start it.” SAY NOTHING, 😊 Smile! When you feel the noise is sustainable. Just start driving. As long as there is calm conversation in the back seat, continue traveling. When it starts up again, Then pull over. Most likely, you will only have to proceed with this plan a couple of TIMES, maybe only once. Children get it, they are smart! Which is why we have THINK and Plan.