Own it!

What matters most when children make a mistake?

There is no easy answer to that question, and I get it asked of me a lot. It usually depends on what is happening at the moment. Safety of course is utmost…

I will say, the mistake needs to belong to the child. They need to take ownership of it and learn from it in order to avoid a similar mistake in the future. I have found over my years as a parent and instructor in the classroom, the ability to not get upset or emotional is one of the greatest tools we have.

In a computer lab setting a student was being disruptive and bothering a student next to them. Due to the understanding and shared expectations of how we treat each other in our classroom, this student had already been moved to another location in the classroom for a similar action and now was given the choice to move again. I did not ask him what he was doing, or why he was bothering someone again, I simply asked, “Where would you like to move?”  This student immediately knew why I was asking and got up to move. He was not happy, he was irritated that he was not allowed to do what he wanted to do, yet he accepted his created situation. He wasn’t mad at me because I didn’t get involved with the why’s or why not’s of his behavior.

I did not engage in his previous choices, just the new one he was about to make.

It just so happened that the last row of computers did not have a single student sitting there, so I said, You may pick any spot you want.” He huffed and stated, “There is no one back here, I will be sitting all by myself!” I said, “That is true, you get to pick any spot you want.” He said, “I don’t want to sit back here!” I said, “There is not another spot in the classroom for you.” And together we looked around the room for a seat. The student made a few noises, perhaps said a few things under his breath – which I was not listening to, no point in getting derailed into another aspect of his behavior. He picked a chair, said down rather hard and chose not to log onto the computer. I ignored all his verbal and physical communications. A little while later, I noticed he had still not logged on. As I was walking around the room helping his classmates, I made a point to walk by him and said, “There is one good thing that can come from you being here by yourself…” He interrupted with , “No there isn’t!” and I finished by stating, “You can get lot more work completed by not being bothered by anyone, or bothering anyone, and you could finish your work earlier and have more “free time” on my approved educational websites.” He didn’t reply, I continued to walk. A few minutes later I looked over and saw that he had logged onto the computer and was working on the assigned project. He did get finished earlier than some of his classmates, he did have time to get on other approved sites that he enjoys and his score on the assignment was one of the highest in the class, an added bonus which he will hear about next time he is in my class.

It is rewarding to be an adult and provide an opportunity for a child to learn about life, choices, fixing your own problems and feeling better about yourself.