Circle of Control

According to https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/control...Control means: to exercise restraining or directing influence over : to have power over

Who has control and who doesn’t. In families and schools, truly, the easier question (and more accurate question) to answer is what can you control and what can’t you. It is important to understand the difference between restraining vs. influence as well as having power over (ruling).  Once you have a better understanding of the powers and the power struggles of control, your relationships with each other may be more respectful and even fun!

When we teach our children about control, we need to visit with ourSELF first. Assess what you control and what you don’t.

Can you control the weather?

What other people think about you? 

Your boss?

What other people like or don’t like?

What other people believe or don’t believe?

The past?

What other people do?

Your skin color, your height?

Where you lived as a child?

Who your parents are/were?

Who you work with?

How others feel?

Can you control when your child sleeps?

Can you control what they eat? Especially when they are not with you.

OK, so what do you or can you control?

How you treat people?

Working hard? Doing your job?

Apologizing?

Going to bed at a specific time?

The foods you eat?

Taking care of yourself through exercise, meditation, or whatever that looks like for you?

Thinking before you speak?

Using I statements for better communication?

Loving yourSELF and others?

Cleaning up after yourSELF?

Being a good sport?

Being a good listener?

Saying no? Saying yes?

Being kind?

Print out the pdf and complete it for yourSELF and then with your children.

http://www.clairenewton.co.za/images/resources/posters/Claire_Newton_Circle_of_Control_Poster.pdf

When you realize you cannot control all the choices your children make, begin to give them control by giving them choices. Would you rather eat peas or carrots? Would you rather wear your Pokemon socks or Buzz Lightyear? Teach them about what they control and allow them to take control of those things. 

I read an article from Big Life Journal. It was about students that were struggling with their life circumstances and the things they cannot control. When you think of kids going through life and having a family member pass away or having a classmate make fun of them, these struggles are real and out of their control. They can only control how they handle theirSELF in these types of situations. The article shared teaching children to think of those things that they cannot control as a balloon, that they can release - let go. I loved that analogy. Makes me sing a verse of Disney’s Frozen: Let It Go :) Encourage yourSELF and your children to recognize what they can control and those things they can let go.